I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
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